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Vote your conscience to the President at (202) 456-1111. The
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for saying "I oppose" or "I approve of" the proposed war against Iraq. If all
the operators are busy, hold for a minute or so and they will let you leave a message. The president wants to know. Tell him. Time is running out. Please forward this e-mail.

Iraq, are you kidding me? Didn't little George learn ANYthing from his Dad's mistakes? Clearly not. I guess he's only human, which is why the founders of this country, the authors of the United States Constitution, made this a government of the MANY rather than a monarchy of a single person, or oligarchy of a small group of likeminded individuals. The many will balance, and come up with a group decision. While I am certainly skeptical of even the Congress's ability to act as a diverse, representative group, I am wholly in disbelief that El Dingbat and his cronies (Dubya et al) should be pulling executive strings to launch forceful attacks on Iraq.

And here's a little something that we can do to send a message. Go here and send an email. It's easy. Then send this link to someone else. Etc, etc, etc... Who knows what it does, but it's certainly better than sitting back in an armchair and wishing this bullshit government would wise up. Our allies are going to slip away, and leave us in our overweight, indulgent dust, whimpering about fairness and lack of support. Can you blame Europe for looking at us like the second coming of the evil they fought to defeat? We strut about the Middle East, directing traffic. We force genetically modified food on poor countries who can't compete with our glut of products. We slather our buttery drivel of a culture over thousands of years of collective wisdom throughout the world, and wonder why violence rages, and hatred reigns.

America needs to go to its room and think about what it is doing wrong, and not come down until it recognizes that it is being a big bully. Pushing around countries who don't agree with it, because it's ultimately afraid that maybe, just maybe, it's the US that has something to learn about peace, TRUE prosperity and happiness. Look around the world. We may just be the least happy country in the world, the least healthy and the least proud. It's not hard to imagine that we'll be left all alone if the rest of the world stops indulging our whims and sticks up for itself, or just turns a cheek.

Oh Lord. It's been a long time. I was just reading some very interesting and pleasantly inflammatory web-material on militia. And damned if he doesn't make many of the same points I'd like to make, only better. I mean, granted, this guy is going out on quite a limb here, and maybe he holds the mirror up to the world a little to boldly for my tastes (see that's me backing down already), but he's right on, and he definitely expresses some of my fears and puts voice to my outrage. Especially over this whole 9/11 shit.

I mean seriously, where does the US come off bullying (in the guise of warfare) Afganistan? I'm as loyal to my country's origins as the next. I believe wholeheartedly in the equal and inalienable rights of men and women, but I think this country's leadership is selling us down the river for a couple of bucks. I truly believe that our government's torment of Afganistan is about money and oil, and not remotely a "search" for a criminal. I mean, who the hell is Osama bin Laden? Why wasn't he on our super shit list before the attacks? And why does it matter if we destroy the Taliban government? Is it a statement about what happens to country's that "mess with the US"? Shit, this whole country isn't Texas, so far, but I don't like drift in that direction (no offense to my Texan friends).

I'm so sick of the yahoo gunslingers whipping around the world like gangsters, shooting up small towns that don't bow down and give us what we want. And I'm ashamed of the crap that seems to be going on at the top of all of the cozy community that seems to be running this place.

Shit, I can't say what I'm trying to say, except that there's an awful lot of corrupt bullshitters out there pushing people around, and an awful lot of people who seem to be okay just getting pushed around. And that makes me mad, helpless and disappointed. I don't feel like being some corporate bitch. But I also don't feel like scraping along like a pauper for the rest of my life either. Trapped, pathetic and angry. Makes me want to take my rifle in hand and make some changes. Not very Quaker of me, I don't suppose, but I spittin' mad and pissin' vinegar.

This shit is hard to keep up with. It's nice to imagine that I'd just sit down once a day, and type a few characters into my blog. But the reality is that it's about as easy to sit and type a note to myself as it is to get off the couch and go running. Okay, well, that's an exaggeration, which is why I've written geometrically more entries, than run miles. It makes the consistency of my friend Ian's bloging that much more impressive. (Even if he's tapering off a tiny bit, nudge nudge.)

So, not much to say today. I read in the New York Times yesterday about the likelihood of Al Gore's candidacy in 2004. Having recently blabbed on about Ralph Nader, I'm torn. While I think it would be great to see a democrat with something interesting to say rise up and stomp Boring Gore, it would be nice to have a repeated loser to campaign against. And Ralph Nader would have a blast reaming these two legacy candidates (Bush and Gore, both silver-spoon babies, sons of high-ranking pols). However, as a residual democrat, who still can't seem to kick the habit of believing that having a democrat in office makes a difference, I feel like it would be great to see someone with some personality kick Baby Bush's ass. I don't know shit about the political scene, but as a former Ted Kennedy campaign volunteer, it might be nice to see John Kerry make a move. Who knows, he's probably too smart to get into that mud-slinging bullshit. And maybe he's got too many skeletons in his closet to unearth.

With politicians playing such dirty games, and sucking off their pet corporations and PACs, it's such a shame that a basic human error, like adultery should play any role in a politician's candidacy. It's the perfect American idiom, though. Total disregard for the root of a problem, or the fallacy of a premise, in lieu of attention to issues, and solutions. It's a shame to me that my cynicism has become the dominant emotion in regard to my country.

Yesterday, I was driving along the Schuykill River, and commented to Alicia, "You know, 200 years ago, you'd have been able to drink from that river." Now I wouldn't even want to swim in it, for fear of the pollutants, and disease that I imagine runs in that water. And that brought me to thinking about what we have done to this country. I am wary of romanticizing the former occupants of this country as the perfect people. But I think it's important that we recognize the abuse we have unleashed on our earth in the name of progress. What has progress really gained us? Certainly, our life expectancy has increased, but now we have people who cannot deal with aging. Women inject themselves with Bottulism paralyzing their foreheads so that they do not wrinkle. People, men and women, have the fat literally sucked out of themselves, because of the vanity their extended life demands, and the excesses progress tells us, or allows us, to indulge in. LOGICAL, natural self-preserving instincts are nearly demolished in the majority of Americans, because we have to kill off these instincts to justify our existence. Since many of us no longer struggle to exist and propogate, we must now luxuriate to justify the over-abundance we are able to provide ourselves, even if it's not necessary. And what's more, because we have the audacity to believe that we are in control of nature, and the physical world, we are convinced that there is some way to perpetuate our individual lives forever. All this seems to have done was reinforce our fears of aging and dying. We can't deal with death. In fact, we seem obsessed with cheating death, and live in morbid fear of losing this fruitless battle.

What's so upsetting about death? Certainly, there is an intrinsic sorrow in death, and the younger the passing the sadder. But what isn't sad about a horrible LIFE? What is sad is having to stand at the edge of the water, and look, but not be able to swim in it, or drink deeply from it. How obscene to fear WATER, when rather than struggle to reverse the pollution, we struggle to reverse aging. We work to change what we can never change at the expense of the simple things we actually could change? I'm nauseated, and dissapointed, and frustrated. How do we change what is so intricately woven into our psyche, our existence myths (the fruit of knowledge eaten)? Excuses.

Read Ishmael, it's enlightening. If you can take it. Sometimes I just can't.

It is easy to find out who is reading your blogs if you understand two simple principles. Principle One, if someone is reading what you write, and then you stop, they will email you, asking what has become of you. Principle Two, if no one emails you, no one is reading your blog, and you may continue to write as IF to an audience, but there will be none to receive it, so worry not. As if I was worried.

So, ah, so many things on my mind: the realization of the facts of marriage, the total reliance one can develop on both the paycheck and money as a given, and/or the importance of friends and other people you love that you do not engage in sex with. Like I say, so many things.

Marriage is hard. Did anyone ever tell you that? They told me, and I didn't believe them. But marriage is excellent, too, and that I believed. So here I am, married, for better and for worse, and I am truly in heaven. And it's not so much that heaven is much like I pictured it, because apparently, in heaven, you can still put your foot in your mouth, and feel incredibly guilty, and in heaven you can also misdirect anger and disappointment, but luckily (and this is why I know it's heaven) you find that you are with the most wonderful person available, and with whom you share a common soul and then you can honestly say you are satisfied that no matter what comes your way, you are well-prepared.

Money on the other hand IS everything, if you're used to it. I really do understand why a stock-broker who has lost everything would leap from a very tall building. Because once you have it, it's no fun being without it. There are a lot of industries established to help you spend your money, and many people who are happy to entertain you if you pay them, and they're not all dancers. But if you do not have a lot of money, then you are on your own. And it's not hard to entertain yourself once you become accustomed to spending your money on entertainment. But that's why there's camping. I had almost completely forgotten what it's like to fall asleep to the sound of trees creaking with only the millimeter of canvas (yes, canvas) between you and them. Or to walk miles through forest, and see the wild turkeys scatter from the path as you approach. Or how different the sun looks through oak leaves. Now THAT is entertainment, but you don't often get there if you're happily ensconced in paid-entertainment.

And friends. The simple pleasure of proximity is underestimated. There is nothing like sitting with a person with whom you feel a great affinity, and with whom you enjoy sharing the world with. And even when you are only able to make a momentary connection with that person, your life is immeasurably enhanced. Emails, and phone calls, and even (god forbid) letters are a wonderful pacifier in the whiney baby of friendship, but good old-fashioned eye-to-eye contact is bliss. And I truly mean that. And its absence is sorrow. Friends are irreplaceable, and to any and all of you who have found yourselves without those incredible people who you can really look in the eye and cherish, I say, it's never too late, go find some people amongst the hordes and befriend them, because friends make life liveable.

God bless, or someone bless, please.

Tell me you're not so sick of Dubya. Come to think of it, maybe everyone is, because I don't know that I've even heard that nickname used on him for months now. No more cozy nickname, no more approval rating, NO MORE DUBYA!!! Oh, wouldn't that be great?!?!

And you know what would be greater? If there was no more stupid lame duck Democratic nominee, like the stupid, bearded Al Gore. Gee Al, how can you make yourself even less appealing? Umm, wait, you're already incredibly boring, your stand on policies is lukewarm, you're the former VP of a president who went out with a shameful wimper (remember impeachment, Al?) Yeah, the beard's a great idea.

But I do have an answer for us. And the answer is Green! Yes, green. As in the Green Party. The only time I've heard a national-level political figure speak, and I've fully agreed with his stands on policies, and felt that he wasn't jerking off on my shoulder with some precalculated, soft-sell, candy-coated nothingness was watching Ralph Nader. Now, I'll grant you, the rest of the Green Party may need to learn a little more about Naderism, because, please, when Ralph descends the podium, the biggest parade of dorky bleeding hearts gets on stage. But there's at least hope. And I hope that there's a future for Ralph, and what's more, I hope that there is a future much as Ralph envisions it in the US, because he's a bulldog on corporate bullshit, he wants to put the "democracy" back into the hands of the people, and he wants to end the gluttonous flow of soft money into and all around the political infrastructure of DC.

I am sick, nauseated, and furious about the corporatization of our country. About the exclusively consumerized policies of the government. The total lack of regard for preservation, conservation, legalization and civilization that our government is ruling with. We live in a third-world country. Have you ever looked at the city streets? Have you noticed how many people live on the sidewalks? Or how many buildings are crumbling into decay? While on the outskirts, people are cowering in their oversized, over-marketed straw houses? How long will the homes built by the Toll Brothers stand? 100 years? 50 years? And does it matter? No, because they aren't meant to be lasting. They aren't meant to be proud pieces of craftsmanship, built to last, and be passed on to a proud family. They're meant to impress. Come over to my HUGE house, and sit in my HUGE chairs. There is no comfort to me in a huge house without any thought of the rhythm of the home, the flow of traffic, the pulse of the neighborhood. They're just cardboard boxes, and when you're done, you just throw 'em away.

Well, I'd like to throw Dubya away, and get a real government, that has a measure of sense. And that, as far as I can tell, is Ralph Nader. And if there's anyone else out there like Ralph, who can inspire others to take the leap of faith and stand up and demand honesty and democracy, shit, you've gotta do something.

Fuckin' blogger. I wrote this whole long BLOG yesterday and when I published it, I got some error message back and then I stupidly closed the window, and lost my whole post. Ah, crap. So, I'm sure it was extremely important, and would have changed the world, and would have been picked up by the New York Times as the freshest social and political commentary to come out of our generation. And now it's gone, and I can't remember what I said. THAT's how important it was. Do you ever notice that the really important stuff that you TRY to remember is so dang hard to remember? I can remember a birthday cake that my mom made for me when I couldn't have been more than 10 (hamburger shaped, sesame seed bun and all), and I can remember the phone number of my friend from 5th grade (664-6899), but I can't remember a really brilliant analogy I had thought of (brilliant), and I can't remember an interesting realization I had about life. I had really unraveled one of life's intricacies, and in that moment of revelation, forgot. Or fell asleep, more likely.

It's all sort of moot honestly, because no matter how many doors I open, and answers I find behind those doors, the only really important answers are the ones that are lived. Like, here's a favorite. I had a moment, and the beauty of this is that it's recorded on tape, but let's not stray, so I'm having this moment, on my living room floor, with the music on, and high as a fucking kite, and I realized that the only moment of any importance is NOW. And that as soon as you dwell on that moment, you're no longer living or experiencing NOW. You're already re-living THEN, and then is of no consequence, because you have gotten out of touch with the moment. Yes, yes, very hokey, but that's almost exactly the point. If you are really in the NOW, there is no assessment of "performance", because there is no time for it. There is in fact no time for any conscious interpretation as we know it. But what's really great is that at that exact moment (yes, NOW) we are so fully aware of everything, that memory is no longer of essence. Because what I found was that everything I have ever experienced IS in my memory. Every song I've ever heard is committed to memory, and it is the interference of conscious effort to drag it OUT of memory that stifles it's recovery.

Here's an analogy that is very much "up my alley"...If you try REALLY hard to take a shit, you'll never get it out. I have trouble with that. I constantly find myself locked up, trying to distract myself so that my subconscious will take over and get things "moving". That's why I read. Not because I enjoy stewing in some malodorous lockbox. Okay, that's my shitty analogy. But I wonder if that's why people watch so much TV? Not because they particularly gain anything from the program, but if it is engaging, their mind is off is la-la land while they're distracted. Although this would make the most avid TV watchers the most enlightened folks around, so my theory is clearly bunk.

Okay, so here's the best part of living NOW, and a non-shit analogy. When I experienced "NOW", and I had identified that the moment was of greatest urgency, and to look back was to miss the moment, life, being, etc. I was listening to music. Music that I had listened to over and over, but if pressed, could not have recited more than 2 lines of. And suddenly, in perfect harmony, I sang along, and in tune, and on key and the right words, and it wasn't because I was thinking about what came next, in fact, it came because I didn't. I sang what came to my lips, and at that moment, found that every note I'd ever heard had taught me to hear the note I should be singing next and all without my consciously trying to sing it. And what came out was beautiful, and I know, because it's on tape. And I'll tell you, I knew it as I sang it, too. It was a wonderful moment of Flow, consciousness and clarity. Speaking of Flow, if you haven't read it, you should pick up and read it. I can't even begin to pronounce the author's name, but the book is dope.

But I haven't been able to maintain that moment, the awareness and living life NOW. I am afraid of it. I am afraid that I will say the wrong thing, if I am not constantly monitoring myself. Or do the wrong thing, or hurt myself in some horrible way. So I have closed that door on that experience. And I'm not living that answer I found.

Okay, I'm done.